


Holding His Hand

by NotOfImport



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Canon, Bittersweet, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 00:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11196480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotOfImport/pseuds/NotOfImport
Summary: Dennis may have fallen for Mac first, but he took much longer to figure it out. When he finally does, it's as though his world collided with a star. And Mac, who's known about his own love for years, falls into the moment.





	Holding His Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally going to make this incredibly sad. You're welcome.

Dennis brushed his elbow against Mac as the two sat close on the couch. He pretended it was unintentional, and somewhere deep within him, he believed that. Mac stiffened up, all too aware of the scrunched up dress shirt that slid against his elbow with every breath Dennis took. He swallowed, peeking at the rolled-up sleeve, and the tense forearm that rested on Dennis’ thigh. 

It wasn’t long ago that Mac realized the incredible love he felt for Dennis. Maybe he’d known it all his life, of course he had. And it had a grip on his entire relationship with Dennis. But only recently had he entertained that reality. Only recently had he fully noticed Dennis’ presence next to him; it was one of the only constants in his life. And the other three, well, he wasn’t in love with them. Not the way he was with Dennis. Though it’d be a lie to say he didn’t love the rest of the gang in some furious way. But what he felt for Dennis was softer, calmer. It was a gentle stroke on the back of his head when he was angry, and a warm smile when nobody else wanted to hear him. 

It didn’t rattle him the way he thought love would. It was as though his eyes finally focused. Like a movie that fades in from a complete blur. He wasn’t shocked, or even moved. It happened when he was just, resting. One early Sunday morning, when the gang slept in later than normal, not allowed to serve alcohol until hours past the rest of the week. Mac awoke in his room, but laid in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to Dennis hum in the kitchen. Dennis always did this when he attempted to cook, which, by their standards, meant popping frozen foods in the microwave and toaster. Mac heard light tapping, Dennis’ knuckles on the fridge. And he couldn’t make out what exactly Dennis was humming, but as he listened silently, Dennis still believing him to be asleep, Mac lost himself in his room. He stared at the ceiling, eyes wandering the ceiling between the various stains and marks. And as he woke up it hit him: he was in love with Dennis. Of course he was. 

And in the following months, he wasn’t afraid. He didn’t feel ashamed to be close to Dennis, as they always were. He touched Dennis more, a light tap on his arm or the breeze of his hand across Dennis’ back as he moved past him. It was the most freeing time in his life, and he thought about Dennis loving him back a lot less than the average person would. There were nights when he was alone in the apartment, when the thought of being loved crossed his mind. When a wave of warmth passed through him, and Dennis’ smiling face popped into his head. The softness of Dennis’ skin, and the curls in his hair. Those nights were few and far between in the two years past his epiphany. Never because Mac restricted himself, just because he thought so rarely of Dennis in the abstract. 

Dennis was always next to him. Always close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, to hear the sharp pebbles in his throat as his voice lowered, and sometimes, to feel Dennis briefly pressed against him as he moved, refusing to widen the space between him and Mac. 

Mac didn’t need to get off on thoughts of Dennis. He didn’t need to wish for Dennis to love him back. It was more than enough just to be next to him everyday of their lives. As they were now, with Dennis’ elbow resting against Mac’s bare arm. 

This was how it always was. The word “always” couldn’t be repeated enough for them. They seemed to settle into each other, the idea of “always” melted into their brains. So for both of them, “always” was an unspoken reality that they would never confront. 

It was past midnight on that couch, but the movie had just started and being as close as they were, they could stay there all night. 

Dennis, converse to Mac, did not know he was in love. His mind had been a concrete wall for eighteen years, since the day of his college graduation. Mac was in the crowd with Charlie, who was spaced out beyond cognizance, though Dennis didn’t know that they were there until after the ceremony. He was walking the crowd aimlessly, staring at all the families and couples, feeling but not acknowledging a resonant hollowness that formed in his chest. That is, until Mac caught him by surprise in the commotion. He squeezed and lifted Dennis up in celebration, yelling about something that Dennis couldn’t pay attention to. There was a wide smile on Mac’s face, and when Dennis was grounded into the situation, overwhelmed by the reality that someone showed up for him, there was no sun that could match the radiance of his smile. He fell in love in that moment, that hollow feeling evaporated until the moment was over. 

He didn’t know that he fell in love. But sitting on the couch next to him all these years later, he started to guess that maybe he’d been in love the entire time. 

It hit him like a blazing gust of wind, and the hole in his chest seemed to grow deeper instantly. It took him all of five minutes to go through every single emotion that Mac waded through over two years. Every touch, every smile, every repressed image of Mac that crossed his mind when he was with a woman. He needed validation and he needed it right now. The world could’ve started ending in those five minutes, and Dennis would still find a way to get it. 

Except this time, it wasn’t about getting a “yes.” It wasn’t about the triumph of Mac’s lips against his. It was just about wanting him. After all those years. And Dennis slowly, excruciatingly slowly, pressed his arm against Mac’s until their wrists were together. He didn’t want to tip him off, and Mac’s brain right now was in a frenzy. Wondering if it was intentional, hoping it was, and losing all his breath when Dennis slid his hand into Mac’s, interlocking their fingers. 

Mac looked away from the TV to Dennis, opening his mouth to speak. 

He was cut off when Dennis lunged forward onto his mouth, their lips smushing together for an instant until Dennis eased up. But Mac pushed right back against him, his free arm reaching across Dennis to grip his shoulder and pull him closer. This was so much better than he’d ever believed it would be. And Dennis melted into Mac, turning his body towards Mac as much as possible without needing to straddle his lap. 

Mac’s scruff scratched along Dennis’ mouth, and Dennis was once again hit by how absolutely important this was. By how much he needed this all along. And most of all, by how fucking stupid he was to not have done this when Mac put him back on the ground all those years ago. Mac was thinking the same, though another part of him felt that no kiss at any other time would feel as freeing as this one now. 

Their lips pressed together slowly, Dennis’ desperate first move cooling into a delicate rhythm. The both of them felt that this moment could break, and they treated it with more care than anything before. Mac’s arm on Dennis’ shoulder was lightly placed, his typically rough fingers pressing near invisible indents in the skin underneath his shirt. Their interlocked hands loosened, and Dennis’ free hand crept across Mac’s thighs, sliding carefully up and down the one farthest from him. 

There’s no telling how long they sat there for, Dennis leaning into Mac, almost laying on him. He started pressing kisses away from Mac’s mouth, across his jaw, and down his neck. He kissed Mac’s throat one last time before resting his head against Mac’s chest, the hand that was on his thigh moving up to wrap around his waist in a half hug. 

Mac pushed his lips into Dennis’ hairline, smushing his hair and letting go of Dennis’ hand to fully embrace him. 

“Dennis-” Mac began, before getting cut off. 

“Mac I- I don’t want to talk about it right now. Can this just, be something?” Dennis said, his voice gentler than it had ever been. There was something in it that broke Mac’s heart, and he held Dennis even tighter, despite knowing that no matter how close he held him, it would never be enough for what he felt. And it was painful to know, that now, he had the man he loved in his arms. But after so many years of this love that neither of them could ever see, nothing could ever be enough to make up for the years they lost. 

The most they could do was hold each other now, in the dead of night, and believe it could be like this for the rest of their lives. 

“It’s always been something.” Mac answered, in what was the most considerate moment of their lives. 

Dennis sighed, letting himself feel truly sad for the first time ever. He was here, with Mac. And while one part of him was wrecked with happiness, the largest part of him hated how easy it was. Hated that they could’ve been together since they were just barely getting started in the world. 

It was a bittersweet moment. And they laid there, happy to be together and heartbroken that they could’ve had more time. 

But it was enough. As always, it was enough.


End file.
